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Achieved | Achievement | % of players | Unlock date |
|---|---|---|---|
 | Look ma, I'm a HOBO! Construct your homeless beggar sign. | 98.78% | 26/04/2026, 11:10:44 |
 | And remember, respect is everything! Reach maximum Heat level with the fuzz and survive. | 27.43% | 01/05/2026, 07:50:53 |
 | Don't forget to wash your hands! Flush after taking a piss in a toilet. | 21.33% | 27/04/2026, 10:09:47 |
 | One Side, Gramps Run over 50 people with the Mobility Scooter. | 15.96% | 01/05/2026, 07:45:29 |
 | Breezy, not sleezy Get all 10 petition signatures while wearing the drag outfit. | 14.52% | 02/05/2026, 07:16:23 |
 | Holocaust: Part Trois Reunite with an old enemy, again. | 10.58% | |
| We still ain't got no budget! Kill 100 pigeons from thrown cages. | 9.5% | |
 | I Wanna Dance With Somebody Discover the secret crack den. | 8.07% | 27/04/2026, 09:01:12 |
 | Lynched Kill all of the Mountain Men while searching for Champ. | 6.81% | 07/05/2026, 11:20:42 |
 | Can we fix it? No we can't! Hit all barrels with emigrants during the Border Smuggler errand. | 5.92% | 01/05/2026, 09:18:29 |
 | PISSASSO Turn 10 toilets yellow with piss. | 5.74% | 27/04/2026, 10:15:53 |
 | Mean Kitty As Cat Dude, kill 10 chicks. | 4.48% | 01/05/2026, 09:37:25 |
| Dude Vinci Code Collect all of the Royale Collection paintings. | 3.94% | |
| Highscore, what does that mean? Beat all high scores in the Scooter Challenge. | 3.94% | |
| Yippee Ki-Yay Kill 7 people at the same time using the Revolver's Dude Eye. | 3.41% | |
 | 4 can play that game! Kill 4 fast food Banditos during the Mexi-Cleaner errand with the Fournicator. | 3.05% | 02/05/2026, 08:26:54 |
 | Lame of Thrones Install all bidets in the Wipe Compound without killing anyone. | 2.87% | 02/05/2026, 08:07:03 |
| No Way Trailer Home Finish the same errand with all 4 Dude voices. | 2.69% | |
| Scooter Tutor Beat the Fix Race errand by crossing the finish line with a fully bloodied Scooter. | 2.69% | |
| Roadhouse Complete the game by only using kicks to kill people. | 2.33% | |
| Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This Complete the game with no kills. | 1.97% | |
| Still playing with dolls! Collect all Krotchy, Kunny, and Larry collectibles. | 1.79% | |
| One of Uwe's Best Finish all Rampages (aka Going POSTAL challenges). | 1.61% |