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Achieved | Achievement | % of players | Unlock date |
|---|---|---|---|
 | Paratopic Be seeing you, friendo. | 100% | |
 | No Smoking A waste of good tobacco. | 96.59% | |
| Cold Turkey No scraps today. | 72.89% | |
| How About I Give You The Finger ..and you give me my phonecall? | 71.49% | |
| DUI Do you know why I pulled you over today? | 65.86% | |
| Those Little Birds Getting lost in the woods counts as a hobby. | 64.26% | |
| Trespass You're not supposed to be here. | 63.86% | |
| I'm Not Saying It's Aliens ...I'm Saying It's Not Aliens. | 62.85% | |
| One Shot, One Kill Beyond a shadow of doubt, a force to be feared. | 61.85% | |
| Headshot Professional Killer. | 55.22% | |
| The Future Is Bright Thank you for the sacrifices you have made. | 51.41% | |
| Sniper Got 'em. | 50.6% | |
| Smoke And Mirrors Life itself is only a vision, and you are but a thought. | 45.98% | |
| Peeping Tom Watched the red flower bloom in the dark. | 39.16% | |
| Auntie Em's Remedy At least you got your quarter back. | 36.35% | |
| Professional That's what I like to hear. | 32.33% | |
| Express Delivery Pedal to the metal. | 16.87% | |
| Walkabout No, really. Over here. | 15.06% | |
| Driver's License You are a patient, cautious driver. The city thanks you. | 11.85% | |
| Race To The Border Let's get it over with. | 9.04% |