Achieved
Achievement
% of players
Unlock date
YesR. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

81.6%16/04/2021, 17:42:29
YesFriend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

76.18%16/04/2021, 15:59:24
YesWell, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

70.07%17/04/2021, 01:03:55
YesDuck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

64.77%16/04/2021, 17:35:35
YesSomeone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

59.98%16/04/2021, 17:37:12
YesHere, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

58.66%16/04/2021, 15:40:40
YesTaxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

57.36%16/04/2021, 16:05:54
YesOfficer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

51.44%17/04/2021, 01:22:53
YesI don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

47.69%24/04/2021, 01:35:16
YesIt's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

44.92%19/04/2021, 01:38:44
YesIt's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

41.04%16/04/2021, 15:40:40
YesFinkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

40.67%16/04/2021, 17:50:32
YesC U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

35.82%24/04/2021, 02:22:52
YesLieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

34.53%16/04/2021, 15:46:31
YesIt's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

33.02%16/04/2021, 17:54:03
YesFur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

31.65%16/04/2021, 15:44:10
YesDo you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

29.46%16/04/2021, 17:53:19
YesOMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

28%24/04/2021, 06:00:26
YesSheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

25.97%24/04/2021, 02:37:24
YesOMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

23.14%16/04/2021, 17:31:38
YesAnd THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

22.09%19/04/2021, 01:57:10
YesIt must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

21.42%12/05/2021, 18:46:18
YesGOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

20.87%25/04/2021, 13:32:09
YesI swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

19.52%24/04/2021, 03:35:48
YesWhere's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

19.35%12/05/2021, 17:23:54
YesGotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

18.42%22/04/2021, 14:19:08
YesDoor Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

18.35%24/04/2021, 03:49:52
YesWorkin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

17.91%13/05/2021, 18:53:59
YesHutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

17.72%25/04/2021, 13:10:11
YesCan't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

17.46%24/04/2021, 03:02:14
YesFAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

15.49%25/04/2021, 13:44:51
NoScrew Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

15.31% 
YesPaid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

15.15%24/04/2021, 05:10:07
YesYou are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!

14.64%24/04/2021, 00:35:58
YesDarth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

14.51%24/04/2021, 03:45:30
YesChuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

13.15%17/04/2021, 13:55:13
YesRunning With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

11.32%17/04/2021, 01:15:52
NoI swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

10.87% 
NoShiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

10.57% 
YesA-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

10.55%19/04/2021, 01:49:12
YesAnger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

10.54%24/04/2021, 02:59:22
YesReddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

10.33%24/04/2021, 04:44:50
NoThanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

10.29% 
YesRebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

10.22%24/04/2021, 05:09:00
NoRick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

10.2% 
YesThere's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.

10.13%25/04/2021, 11:33:20
YesI Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

10.09%24/04/2021, 02:05:16
YesI should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

9.53%12/05/2021, 18:47:49
YesChapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

9.42%25/04/2021, 13:58:39
NoGABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

8.91% 
YesSeƱor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

8.91%25/04/2021, 13:46:48
YesFound 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.

8.85%25/04/2021, 12:24:57
YesJohn Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.

7.48%12/05/2021, 18:02:27
YesRAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

7.43%17/04/2021, 13:55:42
NoHolocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

7.26% 
YesCesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

7.15%22/04/2021, 15:13:08
YesOne time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

6.88%25/04/2021, 11:41:11
YesI don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

6.85%24/04/2021, 02:05:16
NoGinger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.

6.4% 
NoRain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

6.36% 
NoI'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!

6.28% 
YesDon't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

6.04%25/04/2021, 14:14:13
NoUncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

5.93% 
YesPussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

5.71%24/04/2021, 05:03:34
NoWatchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

5.65% 
YesHello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

5.31%25/04/2021, 14:16:26
YesFear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

5.03%13/05/2021, 17:54:46
NoApe Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.

4.74% 
NoGettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

4.72% 
NoBioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

4.7% 
NoMichonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

4.69% 
YesSCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.

4.65%13/05/2021, 12:30:41
NoBetter than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

4.44% 
YesGary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.

4.22%13/05/2021, 18:43:02
NoDick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.

4.2% 
NoLadies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.

4.15% 
NoPlanet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

4.03% 
NoAnustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

3.96% 
No40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

3.84% 
NoCAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

3.67% 
NoHobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.

3.54% 
NoPooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.

3.52% 
NoScientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

3.49% 
NoRich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

3.33% 
NoYou Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

3.2% 
NoOde to Eddings

Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units.

3.07% 
NoAdderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

2.87% 
NoMy Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

2.84% 
NoHarder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

2.81% 

    

Achievements last synchronized on 05/06/2021, 01:56.