Achieved
Achievement
% of players
Unlock date
NoR. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

81.6% 
YesFriend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

76.18%05/07/2017, 22:43:20
YesWell, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

70.07%04/07/2017, 12:03:03
YesDuck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

64.77%04/07/2017, 15:07:15
YesSomeone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

59.98%04/07/2017, 13:00:12
NoHere, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

58.66% 
YesTaxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

57.36%05/07/2017, 12:26:38
YesOfficer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

51.44%04/07/2017, 13:07:45
NoI don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

47.69% 
NoIt's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

44.92% 
NoIt's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

41.04% 
NoFinkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

40.67% 
YesC U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

35.82%04/07/2017, 15:05:33
NoLieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

34.53% 
NoIt's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

33.02% 
NoFur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

31.65% 
NoDo you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

29.46% 
YesOMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

28%05/07/2017, 13:11:37
NoSheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

25.97% 
NoOMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

23.14% 
YesAnd THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

22.09%15/07/2017, 21:53:41
NoIt must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

21.42% 
NoGOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

20.87% 
NoI swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

19.52% 
NoWhere's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

19.35% 
NoGotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

18.42% 
NoDoor Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

18.35% 
NoWorkin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

17.91% 
NoHutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

17.72% 
YesCan't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

17.46%15/07/2017, 21:53:41
NoFAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

15.49% 
NoScrew Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

15.31% 
NoPaid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

15.15% 
NoYou are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!

14.64% 
YesDarth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

14.51%15/07/2017, 21:53:41
YesChuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

13.15%15/07/2017, 21:53:41
NoRunning With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

11.32% 
NoI swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

10.87% 
NoShiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

10.57% 
NoA-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

10.55% 
NoAnger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

10.54% 
NoReddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

10.33% 
NoThanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

10.29% 
NoRebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

10.22% 
NoRick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

10.2% 
NoThere's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.

10.13% 
NoI Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

10.09% 
NoI should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

9.53% 
YesChapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

9.42%15/07/2017, 21:53:41
NoGABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

8.91% 
NoSeƱor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

8.91% 
NoFound 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.

8.85% 
NoJohn Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.

7.48% 
NoRAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

7.43% 
NoHolocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

7.26% 
YesCesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

7.15%15/07/2017, 21:53:41
NoOne time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

6.88% 
NoI don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

6.85% 
NoGinger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.

6.4% 
NoRain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

6.36% 
NoI'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!

6.28% 
NoDon't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

6.04% 
NoUncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

5.93% 
NoPussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

5.71% 
NoWatchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

5.65% 
NoHello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

5.31% 
NoFear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

5.03% 
NoApe Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.

4.74% 
NoGettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

4.72% 
YesBioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

4.7%15/07/2017, 21:53:41
NoMichonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

4.69% 
NoSCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.

4.65% 
NoBetter than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

4.44% 
NoGary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.

4.22% 
NoDick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.

4.2% 
YesLadies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.

4.15%15/07/2017, 21:53:41
NoPlanet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

4.03% 
NoAnustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

3.96% 
No40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

3.84% 
NoCAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

3.67% 
NoHobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.

3.54% 
NoPooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.

3.52% 
NoScientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

3.49% 
NoRich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

3.33% 
NoYou Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

3.2% 
NoOde to Eddings

Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units.

3.07% 
NoAdderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

2.87% 
NoMy Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

2.84% 
NoHarder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

2.81% 

    

Achievements last synchronized on 02/11/2017, 10:20.